physics is slipping from me because everything is a zero sum game. i got an awful score on the quantum midterm, and i don’t yet know whether my awful score is awfuller than the rest because i haven’t even asked. i am spending my time writing and mixing and booking gigs and taking selfies instead of learning quantum mechanics and so i am going to end up destitute.

i didn’t spend any time doing physics today; i woke up and swore i’d get the statistical mechanics pset done, and instead i made and drank two shitty matchas to try to wake up, failed, and then went to go interview a dj at 5pm. that’s all i’ve done besides a little mixing for an assignment that i thought would be easy and has turned out to be horrifically difficult. i keep thinking i’m doing very well and then i turn on the reference mix to compare, and every single track that sounded nice and tastefully bright two seconds ago is actually muddy and sounds like it’s been recorded on a plastic sheet wired to a battery. i’ve been awake and working for about 4 hours today since it’s 9pm now, and none of it’s been anything productive (music isn’t productive because it doesn’t make money, so it doesn’t count, obviously..) i am lying in my bed, and the logic pro application keeps bouncing up and down in the bottom right corner for some reason, and i need it to chill. i need everything to chill. i haven’t even looked at the next quantum assignment, and there’s a statistical mechanics midterm in less than a week, and if i score poorly, it is the end of my career as we know it, obviously. because each test will make or break my career and thus any prospects of conventional success or being a good daughter and thus any chance at happiness or fulfillment, obviously.